Prince vs The Grizzly Bear

Sigh.

That last post wore me out.  So sick, sick, sick of That Story That Shan’t be Named, need a dose of “light and breezy” for sanity’s sake.  Have one in mind that’s disturbing yet humorous, a suitable antidote to last week’s poison.  Must ask a qualifying question first:

Ever walked in on your parents having sex?

If the answer is “yes”, then EWWWWW!  THAT MESS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME, SO “HA”!  I did hear my mother having sex once.  Shit scarred me for life.

I was 20.

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Big Man’s Bad Date Adventure #1, Part II

This is the continuation from part I, the following won’t make sense unless you read that one first.  Then again it still doesn’t make sense to me and I was there.

Where did we leave off?  Oh yes, I was in the midst of ignoring obvious red flags because a certain smaller anatomical area had hijacked the brain and was off on a selfish mission of  conquest.

Should I have taken her somewhat paranoid, delusional statements as a hint?  Does the fact that I used “somewhat” in the last sentence tell you anything at all?  Yes, I’m defensive.  So what if I’m trying to minimize my hormones impact on this debacle?

And the restaurant wasn’t so bad once I got past the nutty bits.  Have you ever heard of anyone spending FIFTEEN DOLLARS on a sushi date?  Well you have now… SERIOUSLY!  $11 on a rainbow roll, $2.50 for her Diet Coke… she had 2 bites of the roll then said she was full!  Gave ’em a $20 and didn’t ask for change back.  Girl thought I was the man.

I was reeling her in, had her crazy ass just where I wanted her!

…or so I thought  😦

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Dear Chapter 18

Dear Chapter 18,

I have been a neglectful bastard and I know this.  I learned to love you via Part 1 over a month ago but then I had to do something so ridiculously selfish and wrong that it will never be right…

I got a job.

But damn it all, I’m here to tell you…

Daddy’s home.

(“…to stay-ay-ayyyyyyyyyy…”  sorry… had a Jackson 5 flashback!)

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