What’s the Definition of Failure (PENN STATE)?

Failure.

Word’s been on my mind since early this morning.  Sick to my stomach after I read grand jury testimony relating to the Penn State University scandal, day got off to an ominous start.

Thought I saw a reflection of me at my worst two hours later… just my youngest displaying some of what I gave her via osmosis or DNA.

Took a problem at work to an involved party who was 100% focused on resolution… until she recognized she didn’t have culpability after all.

I tried to be happy all day… sadness hung like I was Bad Luck Schlep Rock (don’t act like you didn’t watch “The Flintstones”).

Failure is difficult to define.  Varies from person-to-person, inherently subjective often elective… we can choose to fail.  I can write pretty words, make ’em flow and all that.  Can’t put my finger on a single reason why but today felt like “failure”….I felt like a failure.  Couldn’t tell you why to save my life…

(Swear to God I only figured it out during the editorial process… it becomes apparent if you keep reading…)

I know failure when I see it:

Failure is betraying someone you say you love… you have history, and they couldn’t fathom ever letting you down.

Failure is abandoning a family that’s always been there for you, because of some shiny, new outside distraction.

Failure is desperately clinging to the past, because it’s so much easier than working hard towards a bright future.

Failure is worrying so much about the future, can’t appreciate the beauty in this moment.

Failure goes through the motions on cruise control, when you’re lazy or dissatisfied with life’s station.

Failure is never pushing yourself past perceived limits, becoming more than you dreamed you could be.

Failure is accepting other people’s negativity, seeing the world through their funky old filter

Failure is allowing someone else to define you, not being true to yourself.

Failure is treating others badly without provocation, for a quick fix of superiority.

Failure never allows someone to save face, you would rather be right instead of happy.

Failure is settling for being needed, never demanding to be wanted and desired.

Failure fosters a hate for mirrors, keep from looking yourself in the eye and seeing truth.

Failure is cowering off in a corner, instead of standing up for what you know is right…

This leads me to a special set of EPIC FAILURES:

EPIC FAILURE IS WALKING AWAY AFTER WITNESSING A PRETEEN BOY’S RAPE WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED THE VICTIM BY BEATING THE ATTACKER WITHIN A HALF-INCH OF HIS LIFE!

EPIC FAILURE IS AN OLD BOYS’ CLUB WHERE THE LOVE OF MONEY AND POWER CAUSES YOU TO COVER-UP ONE OF THE MEMBER’S SINS, ALL BECAUSE THE SICK BASTARD HELP MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!

EPIC FAILURE IS ARROGANTLY BELIEVING THAT YOU AS EMPEROR COULD WASH YOUR HANDS OF SUCH MATTERS WHEN THE TIME CAME, THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO WRITE A HAPPY ENDING TO YOUR CAREER!

EPIC FAILURE IS AN ADMINISTRATION THAT SYSTEMATICALLY SHIRKED THEIR MORAL OBLIGATION, LOOKED THE OTHER WAY WITHOUT CONSIDERATION FOR ALL THE LIVES IRREVERSIBLY DAMAGED FOREVER!

EPIC FAILURE IS WHEN SOME IDIOT FUCKING CULT MEMBER GET SO STEPFORD-ED OUT THAT THEY WOULD RIOT ON BEHALF OF THE ENABLER!

AND A SPECIAL EPIC FAILURE TO THE MANIPULATIVE, TWISTED, SICK FUCK WHO USED HIS INFLUENCE TO TREAT A GEOGRAPHIC AREA LIKE SOME EVIL MATCH.COM, PERMANENTLY UNDERMINING SOME POOR KID’S ABILITY TO EVER HAVE A HEALTHY, ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP !

Like my boy Steve told me after he served 4 years in federal penitentiary, “Whoever you are, no matter how big or bad… DOESN’T MATTER cause YOU WILL ‘GET GOT’!”.  And he told me about THE SPECIAL treatment reserved for pedophiles…

You know those industrial push brooms, ever seen how thick the handles are?

I’ll leave the rest to your imagination BUT THE HANDLE GETS BROKEN OFF IN THE END (pun?) AND WITH THAT I dedicate the following to you, future prisoner #666 Sandusky. FLEECE JOHNSON HAS  AN EMPTY BUNK IN HIS CELL, AND HE’S WAITING FOR YOU:

So truth is, I was reminded of shit I haven’t thought of in years, that I always blew off like it didn’t even matter because, “nothing really happened”.  THIRTY-THREE YEARS LATER, still haven’t healed…

And it pales in comparison.

God bless the victims, God bless their current families, and God bless their future families.

And all that stood by and did nothing, I hope you burn in hell….

I can’t imagine a punishment worse than waking up every morning with the knowledge that you have failed miserably as a human being, scarlet “P”‘s burning bright on your chest…

Right over where your heart should have been.

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3 responses to “What’s the Definition of Failure (PENN STATE)?

    • and with distance and a little time to think, i’m actually okay… went to therapy on this and some other stuff for awhile, in a good place.

      first time something like THIS has come up, makes sense that rage came from some place deep. didn’t even realize it was there…

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