Here’s why I go to the gym ONLY to work out, trying to get some cutie’s digits never enters my mind.
Not anymore, anyway.
I SWEAR that this is a true story and by the time I get through you’ll understand that there’s only one person on the planet who would admit to being a participant.
Crap like this only happens to me.
I work out at a Gold’s Gym, pretty hardcore by most standards. Less of a meat market than most gyms I’ve belonged to but it does occur. Most folks are there for the workout, though.
I’m one of those people, and I have obsessive times when I get in a rhythm and go 5-9 times per week because I love the impact on my body, mental outlook, confidence…
Blah, blah, blah… long story short, I kept seeing this female and I realized she was scoping a brother out. For months. I’m slow like that 😦
ANYWAY, I FINALLY step to her and get the digits, wait almost a week (there ARE rules at play!) and call girl up. We decide to hit a local sushi spot over the weekend, I’m expecting a nice time.
Now, IN RETROSPECT, I should have seen a few signs but, truth be told, I was blinded by the booty. IT’S THE TRUTH! Girl was mid-twenties (I was pushing 40 at the time), part Iraqi, part Belgian, part German… I had never “been” to any of those places so shoot, I wanted to go!*
*Note: The fellas know what I mean, & my female friends understand that I’m STILL a man no matter how wonderfully soulful I am most of the time. After all, life is about balance, RIIIIGHT?!? 😉
We get to the sushi spot and this chick was so worried about her weight (she thought she was fat but she had the GOOD thickness!) that the following exchange took place between her and the sushi chef:
“Excuse me… how many calories are in this roll?”
“The entire roll? Well…”
“-no, THIS SINGLE PIECE.”
Me and the sushi chef exchanged glances, dude gave me a look that translated to the following (in retrospect):
“Girl is crazy… RUN!!!”
I should have listened but, again, blinded by the booty.
Fast-forward a few minutes later and she tells me the following… SWEAR TO GOD said this:
“There’s a girl who used to be my friend but now she hates me so much that she hunts down my boyfriends and sleeps with them to spite me.”
HUH?!? My response:
“Is she cute?” ;-D
She didn’t find it funny.
THEN she broke out the following list of things that might happen, and she needed me to tell her IMMEDIATELY if one of them occurred:
1) Someone might come ask questions about her
2) I might find a tracking device on my car
3) I might notice someone tailing me while driving
I looked at that girl like she was the funniest person on the planet, broke out into laughter and said, “GET OUTTA HERE!”
Looked up… stone face. She was DEAD SERIOUS!
I said, “(gulp) For reals?”
“Yes… this is not funny!”
Again, I WAS BLINDED BY THE BOOTY… I can see this now…
To be continued…
(Writing from my phone at lunch, will finish tonight when I get home!)